And here we all thought the invention of the pill and other forms of artificial contraception opened the door to all things casual sex. Maybe a couple or three generations ago, but for the millennials and generation Y sorts who are firmly entrenched in the happily ever after/marry for love millieu that is uniquely American, the sexual free for all just ain’t happening to the extent the sex fiends at the top of the food chain envisioned.
Even in Generation X there were still people who made it well into their 30s and 40s before giving up the v-card. We didn’t talk about it openly, but still were waiting. The readers of BuzzFeed (no relation to this site) explained in some specific terms that can be distilled into some simple themes why waiting on sex is for them:
“I am not ready.”
The statements provided ranged from “I need to get my $#@! together” to “I want to finish college” to “I want to know who I am before sharing that,” but the effect was the same. The people answering the question wanted to “invest in themselves” and not just have a one night stand simply to get it over with.
“I want to be emotionally attached to my partner”
Let’s face it, sex is about the most intimate thing anyone does with another human being. It provides a connection to the other person whether we want it to or not. Just being casual about it does not fit into everyone’s life. Trust, likability, being vulnerable, decency, investment in the relationship and respect were named reasons this is important.
“Do you know how many STIs there are?”
Since STI means STD in another time, the answer for any informed person should be yes. Sexually transmitted diseases or infections are very simply avoided: be in a monogamous relationship with a like minded person who is disease free. Yes, this reason is rooted in fear, but it’s a legitimate fear. AND, as the commercials for the pill all say, birth control does not prevent the spread of STIs.
“Birth control is not foolproof”
This one was more in the “two people I know were parents when they were teenagers” column, and is another reason based in fear, but again a completely legitimate one, and the traditional reason for avoiding the dirty deed in a casual setting or doing it too early. Nothing has changed. Sex is how babies are made, and all the contraptions meant to avoid that are not completely effective.
“I’m a Christian, and I believe sex belongs in marriage between a husband and wife”
The people at Buzzfeed admitted that they thought this would be the primary motivation behind waiting on sex and holding onto virginity, but no. It did come up, and sometimes in the context of emotional commitment in a relationship. But still, religion as a force in sex lives is still a factor. At least for some people.
This was not all that Buzzfeed presented as reasons people wait for sex. There were statements on being molested, making bets with friends, one person said their father said high school boys don’t know what they are doing, and there were plenty of “being in control” sentiments. Nothing wrong with that.
No matter what the folks in entertainment and in control of messaging in America want us to believe, there is still a faction of the American public not into the sexual revolution, and their reasons for abstaining are rooted in common sense fears, and completely understandable human wants. For these people, the concept of casual sex is just lost, and the word “virgin” is not dirty. It is valued.